My Story
From a young age, I’ve always been active and aspired to dream big by competing in the Olympic Games. Gymnastics was my first sporting love, admiring ‘The Magnificent 7’ - the American Atlanta Olympic team. I vividly remember having a giant poster of them on my bedroom wall. The gymnasts were standing on top of the podium and I dreamt that I too, would experience that. I also loved to run FAST, and jump high and long so it was only natural that I fell in love with track and field. And I continued to do both with gymnastics as my primary after school activity, with athletics on the weekends.
However, my time competing in gymnastics was short-lived. At the young age of 13, after “just one more” layout flyaway dismount off the high bar, I landed….and SNAP.
I did a decent job of breaking my knee. Fair to say that was the end of the gymnastics Olympic dream.
But that didn’t stop me….
After requiring surgery to screw my knee back together (I still have two screws in my knee), a decent pirate scar and a long painful recovery (in more ways than one, e.g., starting high-school with a bright highlighter ankle to hip straight cast - yes, I was ‘that’ kid), I was back running…FAST!
As a National and International representative, and Oceania medallist in 100m and 200m sprints - FAST was the only way I knew.
But injury plagued me. If it wasn’t my knee (or the other knee, which also required a surgery), it was a hamstring or the Achilles. My progress stalled and running became more about managing injuries than enjoyment.
But that didn’t stop me….
I was fortunate enough to be tapped on the shoulder by someone (who now a friend and mentor) who suggested that I try this new sport that I might excel at, and would be reasonably ‘knee friendly’. This new sport was one tested me. I enjoyed the challenge of needing to learn new skills, jargon, and a new sporting bubble. I transferred my speed on two legs to two wheels - track cycling to be precise. I was ALL IN from that first time I rode a velodrome and got the adrenaline rush and that free speed you get off the top of the banking. I was a “late bloomer” in the sport; very green, but I had the determination to give it my everything and really be the student of the sport.
Track cycling allowed me to pursue that longing ambition to represent NZ at the Olympics. I have been an NZ representative at multiple World Championships, a multiple Oceania Champion and National Champion. I have been lucky to travel the world, albeit mainly just at hotels and velodromes.
Sure I had dreams, BIG dreams.
Yet, they didn’t pan out as I imagined…
If only I had known what I know now. You see, yes I had athletic ambitions, but I also loved to learn - bear with me now….
Throughout my athletic career, I was continually learning. I completed degrees at university and I was able to make sense of the training programmes and put exercise science theory into practice.
I was your avid scientist and trialled experiments on myself that were outside of the box. Dealing with a dodgy knee you had to be creative!
But my downfall? Not listening to my body, or listening, but choosing to ignore the calls and symptoms for help. I pushed my body to its’ limit EVERY DAY. Striving to be the best I could be EVERY DAY. Meticulously monitoring every session, meal, and social activities and weighing up the potential consequences of my decisions. I was immersed too much in this bubble. I was living, but I also was NOT living. I was my worst enemy.
My performances plateaued, and rightly so I was removed from the National programme. At the ‘older age’ of 30y, I was at a cross-road - was this the end of my BIG dream?
I had to really look hard at myself, question everything I was feeling, seeing, believing and wanting.
The biggest task was questioning my health…
You see, I was not healthy. I may have looked healthy (?) and looked the part of an elite athlete from the outside (muscular and lean) but internally, functionally, I was deteriorating.
For one, I didn’t have a menstrual cycle for over 2y, I had major digestive issues, and to this day I find particular foods still trigger me and I am constantly managing bloating and ‘emptying issues’. I found times that I was easily irritated or emotional. I experienced night sweats, constant cold hands and feet (ahh I still have this), pimples on my jawline, niggles (knee flare-ups, typically, napping in the middle of the day, and never feeling refreshed after a good 9-10h sleep.
I told myself “This is a part of being an athlete. I’m just pushing my body to the limit.”
But what I also noticed was my drive and calculated decisions to manage my fuelling for training. All in the name of improving power to weight ratio. A ratio that was not sufficient to sustain my body to properly function as it should normally, nevertheless to perform to its best. And I totally underestimated the amount of food that I required to allow myself to train and function optimally. There is more to this but to save you reading a novel, in the end, it hit me HARD. And this ruined me for many years (and as I alluded to - still to this day).
In 2014 I was given the diagnosis of Relative Energy Deficiency in Sport or RED-S (see blog: From the Archives: 2014). At that time I had not heard of the syndrome before. But I read the literature and gathered as much information that I could get my hands on from doctors and other health professionals I saw (who I am so thankful for). Back then, RED-S was not well known. But it made complete sense. RED-S is when you don’t have enough nutritional energy to sustain exercise AND normal body functions. So the energy first goes to fuel what you need for exercise, and then the body is left with whatever energy is remaining to function, recover and rebuild. When there is insufficient energy for body functions, some of the body systems start to shut down (e.g., reproductive system - menstrual cycles).
After taking a year to improve my health and the decision to continue in the sport, I was back in the National squad and competed at the 2015 Track Cycling World Championships in Paris. I believe this was my greatest athletic achievement. It wasn’t actually the PB’s I achieved or racing for my country (don’t get me wrong these things are not to be discarded), rather, it was the dedication I put towards sticking with the sport, it was the learnings I came away with about myself (and others), and it was the self-belief I held that I could do anything.
Fast forward a couple of years, after I decided to hang up the bike, my intellectual curiosities kicked in and I was keen to embark on another ambition. A PhD. Had I not been through the RED-S experience, I would have not found my research interest and passion in this area. Had I not been through the RED-S experience, I would have not uncovered a gap in the RED-S literature. A gap that I saw was incredibly necessary to uncover and understand more (future blog post to come on this topic).
Sure I had dreams, BIG dreams.
Yet, they didn’t pan out as I imagined…
If only I had known what I know now. And what I know now is one of the key drivers to help others not go down the path I went down.
My dreams didn’t pan out as I imagined…but it lead me to a better and more fulfilling direction, better than I could EVER imagine.